Reply to LD wife working on relationship- just found about DH "emotional affair"

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Reply to "LD wife working on relationship- just found about DH "emotional affair""

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, I am so incredibly sorry.  You are both probably both to blame for the pre-affair problems, and it's good that you were able to identify what to work on.  But the affair is all on him.  He made a choice to engage in an inappropriate emotional relationship with someone else, which probably made him feel very good and desired, but that is not the way to handle marital problems.

At this point, it will be really difficult for you.  You want to fix the marriage, and were working on that, but he threw in this affair on you, and you probably feel to blame for that even though you shouldn't.  The affair is ALL ON HIM.  I think you are being too hard on yourself in the wake of learning about the affair.  I think marriage counseling is a good idea.  I think you should contemplate what kind of marriage you want and work towards that.  Try to figure out if you can envision a happy marriage with him.  Try to figure out what you want to provide in a marriage.  Do you want a sexual and physical relationship?  If so, you really should dig in on that probably in individual therapy.  I think he might need his own individual therapy to figure out why he got to the place he is and how he can avoid that in the future.

When did you find out about this relationship?  Are you sure that there was no physical component?  Sometimes, people lie to try to protect themselves or they don't think of the kiss or the groping as really an affair.  Make sure you know the full extent now - it is completely devastating to learn that you didn't know how extensive an affair was months later.[/quote]

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