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[quote=Anonymous]OP, I truly hope all will be well and I applaud your determination to seek out better care if treatment is needed. That's tough to have to do.

Regarding your mom, if you try to hide it and even if you succeed for a while -- if she then finds out accidentally (maybe DH lets something slip by accident, or you do, or your toddler pulls the Band-Aid off the "playground injury" and grandma sees stitches, etc.), then she is going to freak out much worse at your hiding things. She'll be convinced that you hid this because it's so shockingly horrid that you couldn't even bear to tell her so it must be the end of the entire world.

It might be preferable to, so to speak, rip off that Band-Aid all at once, tell her that tests are going on, and then very firmly tell her that calls and posts and discussion make it much worse, and that you will be willing to leave the room (or the phone conversation) if this comes up beyond, "Sally is fine today, no report from the doctor yet." I would be sure to offer her an occasional update on your own terms, to recognize that she does love your child and feels a strong stake in how DD is doing. But that means you tell your mom what you want her to know when you want her to know it (maybe  say that once a week you'll give her an update and that's it). Tell her that peppering you with questions and calls will result in your not answering calls etc. -- you're too busy, and want her to be informed but don't need her to freak out or over-talk this daily with you, so you will commit to giving her YOUR once a week update.

Her intentions are good ones though she truly does need to ramp back the anxiety so that YOU don't absorb it all.

Maybe your DH, if he gets along with her OK, could be the weekly update person instead of you. But she needs to know that this doesn't mean she gets to go to pieces on him, or you, once a week. It means, "We do want you, as grandma, to know how things are going, but we're so swamped with doctor stuff etc. that we can't handle daily reports. Let us tell you each Friday what's up, because we know you love Child and we want you in the loop, but we need to set a time and day for that."

I don't quite get what she's posting on Facebook--is she just messaging you through it to ask about your child? Or is she posting stuff that's visible to anyone, not just you? I would worry that if she's in the loop she might decide to start posting updates so her own FB friends etc. can see what's going on with her grandchild. If you think that's possible you and DH would need to be clear that you want zero posts about this anywhere, even to her own friends, IF that's how you feel. [/quote]

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