Reply to Downsizing aging parent: 2 sibs who live close+1 who lives far=drama

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I'm sympathizing with your siblings on this one.  You can ask about the money when you're down there in person.  (Leave your kids home with DH as others recommended.  You will have enough to deal with.)

What you aren't mentioning and maybe aren't grokking is that your local siblings are providing all the emotional support to your mom right now, and are probably going through far bigger emotional turmoil than you about your parent because of this.  They're closer to the problem and they have to deal with some new wrinkle every day, whereas your distance insulates you from it to some extent.  You may have other problems going on, but this problem -- your mom -- your siblings are doing all the emotional heavy lifting on.  Give them credit for that.  Recognize that that is hard work nobody wants to do.  Your distance lets you be a bit of a dilettante or a tourist to your mom's worsening condition, whereas they're on the front lines.  You owe them more respect, even if you do want to check up on the money side.  Your money doesn't put you in charge.  You're still a bit of an interloper because you're just not there every day like they are, so you don't have the depth of understanding of the whole situation as they do.

Sorry about your mom.  Good luck.[/quote]

+1.  Your siblings are on call 24/7 and its a very wearying responsibility.  They can't take so much as a day trip without making a backup plan for elder care.  They are noticing and taking care of a million minor things that they don't even bother to mention to you.  And if the shit really hits the fan, they know they'll be first in line to deal with it and you won't.  So tread carefully and show some respect.[/quote]

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