Reply to If you had an affair, did you bury your feelings?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It sounds like his affair has emotional elements too (meaning it wasn't just sex). In order to become emotionally involved with someone else, he had to convince himself that you were not right for him. Some of what he told himself in order to mentally detach from you is probably correct (because no person and no marriage is perfect--please understand that this is in no way an indictment of you). It's hard to unconvince yourself of that and just check back in to a relationship.

And he is going through a breakup, just like PP said.

I am sorry you're going through this, and I wish you the best.[/quote]

This. I'm happily married, but recently met another woman who's absolutely perfect for me, the only time in my entire life other than my wife I've felt that way... And she made it known the feeling was mutual. And you know what? I didn't feel *any* inclination to cheat on my wife whatsoever, because my wife is equally perfect for me, I met her first, and she became the love of my life. In-the-moment one time stupidity is one thing, but to have an affair partner long term, you have to be telling yourself that your spouse isn't necessarily the right one for you. That can be unwound, but it'll definitely take some time to do.[/quote]

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