Reply to If you had an affair, did you bury your feelings?

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Reply to "If you had an affair, did you bury your feelings?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here.  I never stopped loving my husband even though we were having tough times.  I am having an extremely difficult time realizing that, in the tough times, he resented me so much and engaged in an affair and basically squashed his love for me down.  I believed in marriage - that it's for better and for worse and that when bad things happen, you talk about it and try to work on things.  He did not give me a chance to work on things, he never talked to me about his feelings changing.  And now it feels like not only did I endure the same tough times he did, but I also have to deal with an affair and how mean he was to me during the affair (he was very cold and unfeeling and insulting to me during that time) AND I am supposed to be able to work on our marriage now and the underlying issues.  I am supposed to somehow not be destroyed when he tells me that his love for me is "muffled" and that his full range of emotions seems inaccessible.  There is a limit to what I can take, and he doesn't seem to be doing much to unearth his feelings.  Maybe there's nothing to unearth and his love for me is just not as strong.  But it seems like it's somehow my responsibility to make him feel safe enough to be vulnerable.  And that is just monumentally unfair when I feel completely insecure and unloved.

And as far as the PPD goes, he was not supportive at all.  He thought I just didn't enjoy being a mom and he feels deprived of super happy time with the baby.  The times when I would ask him to look after the baby and I would take a walk he refers to as my "me time."  That "me time" (which was maybe an hour every other day) was the time that I would be able to breathe and cry by myself.  I got myself out of the PPD via therapy, with no assistance from him.  He just now seems to understand this a little.  But I was going through tough times individually as well as in our marriage and it seems like a lot to ask me to do basically everything now.

He is in counseling with me, he does say he is very sorry, and he is acting loving now.  But then he goes and says he feels bottled up.  I just hate it.  And the idea that the bottling up is due to mourning his mistress, as suggested by a PP, makes me sick.[/quote]

Tell him to man up and stop mourning his mistress in front of you. He shoul not subject you to that.
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