Reply to Eeyore daughter and Tigger Mom, achieving balance?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Stop trying to make her see the bright side. Each time you do that, you're dismissing her feelings. My mother is like this, and  then complains I don't talk to her. Well, I've been going through a VERY harsh time for almost two years, and her peppy comments just make me feel worse, and more alone, rather than better. I once said to her, "Just once, can't you just say 'Yeah, that must really, really suck!' so I know you're hearing me?" And she can't. So I don't talk to her.[/quote]

...and listen without feeling like you have to swoop in with suggestions or advice.  DD has been a typical teenager since she was about five.  No kidding.  Argues/debates everything, emotionally sensitive, lots of eye-rolling and defensiveness.  We have to set strict limits, call her out on rude/disrespectful comments and...wait it out...she's 17.  DD can't take criticism DD knows absolutely everything and tends to be haughty (typical).  Lots of listening and acknowledging and tough love and natural consequences in our house.

My MIL and I clash personality-wise; she tends to be dismissive of feelings and I understand firsthand how this makes ME feel - ignored and hesitant to share, so I share very little anymore.  Again, listening and acknowledging the problem/feelings is so helpful.  Sometimes a loved one just wants to vent and hear themselves think aloud.  Not helpful to offer "advice" ("it's a stage" or "at least you are not dealing with fillintheblank" or "DH did X and look at him now" or "you really should be grateful that...") is absolutely maddening.  I remind myself to just listen to DD and resist temptation to offer platitudes beyond acknowledging her emotions.

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