Reply to Thanksgiving 'dynamic' and how to prevent/deal with it

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I would love it if you would "work around" everything as you've described/PPs suggested, but do this one thing...

Ask her directly why she is sitting in your place.

Just to see what she could possibly say to justify that behavior.[/quote]
Does she even know it's OP's place?  We dont do this 'hostessing chair' thing.  At all.  You sit where you are comfortable.  I would probably accidentally use OP's place too.[/quote]

It is common knowledge that the head and "foot" of a table--seats at the short ends opposite from one another--are the host and hostess seats. Anyone who knows anything about hosting and etiquette would know that. It sounds like OP's MIL knows this full well, if she is a "coffee after dessert" type of old-school person.[/quote]
Let me rephrase.  It isn't that I am not aware of the host and hostess seat.  It is that I would never have this level of formality with my closest relatives so I would not think - oh, better not use that chair, it's for the hostess.  Especially with kids - I tend to sit so I or my husband can help them if needed.  If someone said, oh that's my chair, it would be different and of course I would not sit there.  However, the thought would not enter my mind unprompted.  I also would think that an adult would mention I was sitting in her seat if she found this important.  However, I do like coffee after dessert![/quote]

There's a reason why those seats are where they are. The hostess seat is traditionally closest to the kitchen, and with both of her sides unencumbered, she can more easily serve/pass/assist. The host seat also has both sides unencumbered, so he has more room to carve/pass/assist. Yes, it's "traditional," but there is logic/function behind it...[/quote] I'm sure you're right.  What I am suggesting to you (and OP) is that perhaps not everyone cares about this and therefore, perhaps not everyone thinks about this, and therefore, perhaps OP should speak up about her wishes prior to getting irritated about this.  Perhaps she has, but I didn't read it.[/quote]

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