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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Not only did Dad choose Stepmom (and their new child) over me, but when they divorced after 10 years, he started choosing girlfriends over me.

He lived out of state and I was in town with my new son, his only grandchild. I asked him to meet me at a relative's house where I was staying. He told me his new girlfriend (who I had never met) wouldn't like him going to his ex-wife's relative's house, so he wouldn't come see me or his grandson. I didn't speak to him for months afterward, but finally accepted his apology and we moved on.

Men think with their dicks and [b]will always choose the person they're sleeping with over children, or really any relative.[/b][/quote]

+1 Men make the decision that will give them the least amount of grief in the short term. Does he want tot deal with the fallout from his girlfriend/new wife? No? Then he's going to go along with her. Period.

Men are pathetic this way, TBH.[/quote]

Actually, most relationship counselors will tell you that you need to put your spouse before your children. Obviously not to the point where you are neglecting or abusing your children (which does not sound like the case here), but the healthiest marriages that produce the most well-adjusted children are ones where a couple's relationship is paramount.

Individuals are pathetic. Entire classes of people are not.[/quote]

Yes, but the relationships we're talking about aren't healthy ones. When a stepmother demands a husband not see his children because it would be at the ex's family's house? Or demand that the husband choose her over his biological children? You're already starting off on a dysfunctional footing. No counselor would encourage that dynamic.[/quote]

But you're contorting the PP's situation.  In this case, the daughter was the one that made demands and refused to see her father except under conditions that would cause a rift.  First, OP makes him choose between her and his wife.  Then she comes to visit and she insists that he come to visit her at one of his ex-wife's relatives' house.  He objects saying that he can't go there because it would cause problems problems with his current girlfriend.  She doesn't offer any compromise neutral location (a restaurant, a park, the playground or the mall, for Pete's sake), but just blames him for not coming to see her.  She makes conditions he can't meet and then blames him for not meeting her conditions.  It's the daughter making unreasonable demands, not the girlfriend or later stepmother.  She sets him up in a lose-lose situation, either you're a bad boyfriend or a bad father, you pick.  OP was at least half responsible for that rift by being rigid and inflexible.  I find it odd that many women on DCUM will say that a woman who sticks up for her marriage or partner is loyal but a man who sticks up for his marriage or partner is pathetic and thinking with his dick.  Nice double standard.[/quote]

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