Reply to Fiance, family , marriage, and history of sexual abuse.

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[quote=Anonymous]

OP - This is a very, very complicated situation and rather than a random and anonymous board, take the time for yourself to go to a therapist to help you work through the related issues that come with learning this news for yourself first of all.   You will obviously have feeling from seeing this close family member on your wedding day and moving forward.  I also think that your fiance owes it to you and your "future family" to be willing to have couples therapy, too.  You need to understand how he has dealt with his past and also to work together before marriage how future relationships will be.  I honestly think to do this, that perhaps you and your fiance need a longer term of engagement.  You do not indicate how long you have known him and how long you have been engaged and the fact that this important personal information just "came out" after an argument may well also set off a warning sign of how he might react towards you or children in the future.  It is essential that you recognize that your fiance will become DH and DD AND if you do not have full assurance that he has dealt with abuse related issues they may well surface in your marriage even if he does not intentionally expect them to do so. I would say it is not so much about walking away, but about how much both of you are willing to work on communication etc with counseling to build a future. [b]It is not just about what you will be willing to accept and do for him, but also about what he is willing to do for you to make a strong marriage and most importantly to protect any future children from abuse by anyone.[/b][/quote]

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