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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, this is probably going to offend some people but I'm going to risk that because this was so helpful to me.

Years ago when I was in therapy I was trying so hard to understand "why" my mother did the things she did.  My therapist asked me if I knew of a character named Benny from L.A. Law, he was an intellectually disabled man who worked in the mailroom on the show.  I said I did and he said "think of your mother like Benny.  She isn't being obstinate or malicious, she's just incapable".

I found that helpful and I hope you do too.[/quote]

This! I needed this![/quote]

I agree with the PP.  My brother is in a horribly toxic relationship right now, with domestic violence on both sides.  And we just can't wrap our minds around why this is OK with him.  He was never like this before.  He never put up with this stuff before.  He's tried to leave 100 times in the past 5 years, to no avail.    So OP, while it's really hard to deal with your mother's actions recently, I say KUDOS to her for actually leaving in the first place!  That's a HUGE step, and takes unbelievable strength to go against probably every fiber in her being.  Keep your boundaries strong with respect to your dad.  And just be glad of the progress she's made, even though it seems tiny.   She may never be "healthy" in the way we think of it, but she's better than she was.  And that's incredibly hard to do when dealing with this deep, ingrained dysfunction.[/quote]

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