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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, you have described my DW and our sexual relationship to perfection.  Here is what I have accepted that helps:

1) My DW's sex drive is almost purely responsive (which is common for most women).  She gets turned on by something.  So she finds me attractive in the generic sense, but on a day to day basis she isn't sexually turned on to the point where she has an independent desire to fuck me.  My DW- like yours - sometimes [u]responds[/u] to us having sex by getting into it once she starts.  Again, responsive desire.  What you want is what you feel - spontaneous desire - which is largely but not exclusively a male sexual response, i.e. you want to have sex and your wife is hot to you and available.  Your wife just isn't wired the way you want her to be - few women are.  Back in the days when you dated, you did so many little things - flirt, call, flowers, etc - that stoked her responsive desire that by the time you were ready for sex she was too.

You are not shiny and new, she is not going to be responsively turned on by the day to day.

2) That she is willing to have sex with you is her gift.  Accept it.  Accept that sometimes she is going to be turned on and sometimes she is just taking one for the team.  Find a non-threatening way to figure out whether she is having sex solely for you or for you both so you know whether to hurry up and finish or make it pleasurable for her.

3) Get your ass in the best shape you can.  Dress well.  Project confidence at home and while you are out.  Not because it will make your wife want to fuck you more (it might but probably won't) but because you will be reminded by women that you are desirable.

I am not saying this is an easy pill to swallow, that the remainder of your sex life is mostly something your wife does to placate you either because she loves you or because she doesn't want to lose you or some combo of the two.  Your alternative is perpetual single life, or to find that rare gem of a woman that has spontaneous desire.  [/quote]

PP here, and I recommend men read this from a female author talking about female responsive desire:  http://www.thedirtynormal.com/blog/2014/06/16/i-drew-this-graph-about-sexual-desire-and-i-think-it-might-change-your-life/

Seriously, take 30 minutes and read all of her posts.  You will realize what you are expecting from your wife - that she shows some hunger to fuck you before the fucking starts - is never going to happen because most women aren't wired that way.  Reading this helped me tremendously, and made me realize that the fact my DW sometimes gets into sex with me shows her mirror desire to mine.  Again, it sucks, you have my sympathy - at one point the author questions whether the difference in male (spontaneous) desire vs. female (responsive) desire is the root of all marital evil.  It probably is.  But at least if you understand it, you will stop taking it personally which is a HUGE first step to letting go of expectations and disappointment.[/quote]

I wish my DH would read this.[/quote]

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