Reply to I am scared I lost the love of my life.

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Reply to "I am scared I lost the love of my life."

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

OP here again. This is the only woman I've dated that I have pictured a future with. I admit I didn't take it well, but how are you suppose to take something like this? I think she is very upset over me going to my friends and sister before really talking to her about my feelings and emotions. [/quote]

NP here.  Try putting the shoe on the other foot.  Say you found out you were sterile or you were having impotence issues, would you appreciate you girlfriend getting drunk to deal and telling her friends and seeing her discuss these details over email with her brother, and not doing anything to be there for you? If you were in that situation wouldn't you be mortified that your girlfriend was sharing your personal details with other people like that?  Wouldn't you already be grappling with feelings of disappointment, fear your SO will leave you to have bio kids with someone else AND your self-worth being tied up with the fertility issues?  The crazy thing is I could see if she was telling her sister or friends that she can't have kids but you are the one going all around town and technicality speaking YOU can have bio kids (as far as you know) but it just can't be with your current girlfriend.  Because if this was really a we can't have biological kids because there is no universe in which you would want to be married to anyone other than your girlfriend (kids or not) you should darn well have made that clear to your girlfriend and she should have been the one you were turning to.

Now I understand that when faced with things that are difficult we don't always have the perfect response but you need to own your mistakes, try to grow from it, and don't make the same one more than once. Despite royally screwing things up, I like to think you haven't lost her but as others have said think carefully about your next step. If you meant what you wrote to your sister, while the situation sucks all around, be honest with girlfriend if this is a deal breaker.  Better for her to find the guy that already has kids or is truly fine not having bio kids.  As a guy you have a long time that you can have biological children so you can be 50 meet the next love of your life and still have a kid.  If you decide you really can live without biological children, you need to own up to your mistakes.  Your hopefully soon to be wife should be you partner, your rock, your best friend and vice versa.  You need to apologize that you didn't put her first, you didn't come to her first to discuss how you feel, and you actually need to discuss how you feel.  There is still the question of adoption and she is willing to go thru fertility treatments (assuming it is an option). You still need to be on the same page if you could both live with never being a parent in any form and what length you ad willing to go to try. You also need to tell your sister that even though you were upset, it wasn't right to put her in the middle of your relationship and turn to her before your girlfriend.[/quote]

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