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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Long story short:  DH and I are divorcing after 15 years of marriage.  Our last 5 years were pretty tumultuous, with DH finally admitting to his infidelities.  I finally filed for divorce, he moved out.  Our parents are alive and well and obviously know about the upcoming divorce.

My mother was never too keen on DH or his family.  She was always polite but I know neither she or my Dad liked him very much.  My parents and ILs communicated maybe 2-3 times a year by phone and would occasionally meet at our DCs' birthdays.  So imagine my shock when I find out that in addition to hosting me and my kids this Thanksgiving, she invited soon to be ex-DH and his parents.

Now I don't consider DH to be my family any more and I certainly don't consider ILs who always took their precious son's side no matter what.  My parents are not friends with his parents.  I can't get a straight answer from her why she invited them.  I am certainly not reconciling with him so what does she hope will happen?  Our DCs are surprised as well, "why is Dad coming?"

[/quote]

That stinks.  horribly.  However, if you think you can do it in health, I would go ahead with the plans.  Put your feelings about your stbx and your mother aside and concentrate on your children.  See if you can have this be the start of you and your stbx co-parenting where you each put your children first.  Arrange seating so that you are between your children at the table and not near your mother or stbx.   Bring a friend  or another couple if you want.  Take a genetic picture for your children.  One picture that has both sets of grandparents and both parents and the children.  This will be for them and their children.  In one picture three complete generations are present.  Arrange it by MIL,FIL, STBX, children, YOU, Father, Mother.

The people I have seen be able to do this type of thing (and it sounds like it may be too early in the process for you to attempt it- and that is okay),  have better relationships with their children and their children have better relationships with the outside world.  It is not perfect and you may have to fake it until you make it (if ever).

It may be the only time you do this, it may set a precedent that one holiday a year is combined.

I wish you luck and hope that in the future your mother talks to you first.  [/quote]

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