Reply to Generalizing: husbands and IL relationship management

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I understand PPs views, but I can't help but think that by disengaging and leaving everything up to DH, one can perpetuate the "blame the DIL" stereotype. DH's family is my family especially now that we have kids. Yes, I encourage DH to call and do the planning, but I will also randomly FaceTime so the kids can see their grandparents or email an update or link to an article that I think they may like. And yes, sometimes I'll get back with them on plans. Does DH do that with my side of the family? Maybe not as often, but he does. I just think that there can and perhaps should be more nuance than what some of the PPs have stated.[/quote]

This is somewhat like our family as well.  We met young and I have known my ILs for a very long time, I consider them my family not only by dint of my children but because I love them too.  And I'm simply better at maintaining relationships than DH is so I will make an effort to ensure my kids are seeing their grandparents / great grandparents, drop by and say hi, etc., and in fact have made some not insignificant efforts (multi day road trips) to get my kids to see their great-grandparents because I think it's important to do that for family.  Of course it also helps that my MIL is incredibly appreciative of these efforts to see her Mom and makes that known.

But I have drawn the line at logistical planning involving DH.  I get that he can be hard to get a hold of - he's like that with me too and it drives me crazy.  So no way am I volunteering to be go between on that.  I've gotten very good at responding to phone calls with some variation of 'Dh is planning that - you'll need to talk to to him, I don't know'. [/quote]

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