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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Also, I'm the product of divorce and I will tell you that I would much rather have two very happy-yet-divorced parents than two miserable married parents. Having a one year old is an easy split off point. Committing to 18 years of unhappiness is not.[/quote]

Also, I don't get why parents spend years "staying together for the sake of the kid (s)" if they are still planning on divorcing as soon as the kid (s) are adults.Kids don't suddenly become immune to any & all feelings about their parents' divorcing the moment they reach adulthood.[/quote]

Are you the product of divorce? I'm not saying it's easier to have your parents divorce when you're 18 or 20 than it is when you're 3 or 5, but having two "home bases" growing up, dealing with stepfamilies, holidays, etc - it's pretty tough. At least when you grow up in an intact - if not perfect - household you don't have to deal with those things. [/quote]

I am the child of divorce. My parents divorced when I was 6. My best friend's parents divorced when she was 22. Every situation is different but I honestly don't think her parents' divorce was much easier on her overall just because she was older. In some ways , such as the ones you mentioned above, yes, it was easier because she was grown & out of the house. In other ways, however, it was probably harder.

Her mother constantly badmouthed her dad to her, something that, knowing her mom, I doubt she would have done , at least not to that extent, had my friend been younger. Her cousins' parents  ( her mom's sister & her husband) had gotten divorced when they were young & my friend's grandparents & aunts & uncles had always been very careful about not speaking negatively about her cousin's mother in front of them because they knew that was inappropriate & hurtful. Yet they had no qualms about saying horrible things about her dad to her because she was an adult.

Being an adult also meant that my friend had no custody agreement to decide which parent she would spend the first holidays after the divorce, when emotions were heightened, with & instead had to try to tiptoe around both parents' feelings while deciding on her own. It meant that during the highly transitional post-college year of her life, she was also trying to deal with a new family situation without the help of built-in support system that is often available to kids. My first grade teacher knew my parents were getting divorced & cut me some extra slack for a while because of this. I'm guessing my friend's boss didn't make the same kind of allowances when her parents got divorced! I'm also guessing there wasn't a psychologist at her work who ran a special biweekly lunch group for employees with divorced parents.

I'm not saying growing up with divorced parents isn't difficult or that adults aren't in many way better equipped to handle their parents divorcing. It is & , generally speaking, they are. I do think, however, that many people underestimate the impact divorce has on adult children. In addition to my best friend, I know 3 other people whose parents divorced when they were in their 20s & they were all surprised by how much it ended up effecting them despite being grown & out of the house.  
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