Reply to Divorcing : what to tell kids?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Talk to the experts about it and stop getting advice here. This is too important.

I told my children the standard, "when parents get married they make promises to each other, and your father broke those promises" line.

I was given this line by several psychologists, and it worked well. It gave my children enough information, accurately and truthfully, without letting them know how terrible their father really is.

It also helped them to stand up for themselves with him several times.

This was a long time ago, and they are both doing well and thriving. [/quote]

I totally agree the OP needs to get professional advice on this because it is crucially important.  But, as an adult child of divorce where there was an affair with my parent's marriage, I am surprise you got professional advice to spill the affair to your kids (what you said was cryptic but obvious and I don't mean to be insulting, but it seems passive aggressive and begs the question of "what promise did dad break?)  I absolutely loathed when my mom would feel the need to tell me it was my dad's cheating that wrecked the marriage.  It made me cringe so deeply to be dragged into their bullshit, I eventually would just walk out of the house when she brought it up (I moved out on my own when I was 17 to avoid them).

Thing is, I have no idea why my dad cheated, and as an adult who is now married I know affairs don't happen in a vacuum.  But I know my dad remained a great dad after the divorce, and how I hated my mom for burning into my head that he was the reason my home was broken.

[/quote]

I'm sorry you had such a bad experience, but I listened to multiple experts and followed their advice exactly.

It's worked out well, and my kids don't seem to have your issues. No one here acts like your mother. And my children are not moving out of the house - I highly doubt you moved out at 17 just because of your parents' divorce. I'm sure that other factors were at play.

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