Reply to Divorcing : what to tell kids?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous] In my parent's case there were mistakes on both sides.  However, it was obvious that my dad was cheating while they were in separate bedrooms in the same house (and possibly when they shared a bedroom).  My mom never told us details and always encouraged us to have a good relationship with our dad.  My relationship with my dad was always difficult until I was married with a young child and finally we had the talk and he admitted that he made mistakes in his relationship with my mom and didn't handle things well.    Here is the thing, for me to move forward and not hold resentment and anger I had to be able to recognize that someone can love you as a parent but be an imperfect person and make bad choices/mistakes in how they handle things.  I had to be old enough to not have my parents as the sole authority and have enough experience in my own relationships to be in a place to understand it.  
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This experience is similar mine.  My mom had seething anger over my dad's affair and didn't hide it.  She would tell me in a passive aggressive way what an ass my dad was, and it made me feel like I was an ass because I was his son.  It also took me becoming an adult and being in a marriage to realize my parents are good but flawed people, like everyone else in this world.  So I have forgiven both of them, but I would echo the advice here that if you really love your kids, you save them from the reasons for the divorce.

If you want to do right by your kids, have your ex agree to replenish the college accounts as a stipulation of the divorce settlement.[/quote]

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