Reply to Going rate on barmitzvah gift giving?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Years ago, I spent a little more than avg for my daughter's friend. I think it was about $25 (usually I give a $15 gift card.  Under no circumstance, did I plan to give cash. The boy's dad is a journalist and the mom is a lawyer. I am a high school educator. The parents sent word through friends that cash is the norm. I already knew that but refused. [/quote]

I'm sure you feel really good about yourself. All the money I got from my bat mitzvah went towards paying for college. My two godsisters, 15 and 17, gave me a gold bracelet. My parents gave me two gold bracelets.  Everyone else gave me a check. I still have my college education, but two of the three bracelets have since been lost, 25 years later. [/quote]

NP here.  Cool story, PP.

Explain to me again why I, a neighbor/friend of the bat mitzvah girl's parents, should help pay for college?  No really, I would love to hear you walk me through the rationale as to why a [b][u]religious[/u][/b] mile marker in a child's life is an occasion to build the child's war chest?[/quote]

So then don't give cash.  Whatever.  This is our tradition, and if you don't likeit, do something else.  Just please keep your mouth shut on the day.[/quote]

Did you actually just state that it's Jewish tradition to expect cash?    :shock:  of course I'd never say anything on THE day, or on any day.   That's why I'm here on anonymous DCUM.   Since I'm here to learn, where in the Torah does it explain why gifts with liquidity are at the top of the pecking order (cash >stock > gold (bracelets that can be melted down) > durable goods) ?  [/quote]

No. I did not say it was the tradition to expect anything - what we really expect at a Bar Mitzvah, at least where I pray, is that anyone who wants to will show up for services and stay for lunch (that is one of the reasons the numbers get so big so fast).  Nothing about "expecting to receive."

All I said is that in our tradition we often give cash gifts.  Not every culture is comfortable with gifts of cash; we are.  We are not alone in this tradition (isn't there somewhere that they pin money to the bride while she dances?) We're big on cash for weddings, too.  A bar or bat mitzvah is a very big deal and we mark it with a celebration.  We give presents on this day because we do.  Most people try to give gifts with a longer life than a 13-year old's taste would merit.  That's all there is.

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