Reply to Recess: son feels blackballed at recess - what can he do to to keep busy?

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Reply to "Recess: son feels blackballed at recess - what can he do to to keep busy?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]Thanks.

Op kid: 3rd grade, small public school, nice kid - (mostly) good to others at school. He does not have any of typical things that mean kids use for targets. Maybe because he is quiet and passive?

Tried to sooth with discussing. Does not want to go to school.

[b]How do I teach him to fake confidence like so many others?[/b] I feel like kids/people drawn to confidence (not cocky)[/quote]

Rather than telling him he needs to change, I would work with the school on trying to get him hooked up with other boys who are also quieter or less confident so that they can hang out at recess.  
[/quote]

Do you all try to manage your kids social lives this way?  You all sound like producers of your own little Truman Show.

OP: I would just give my kid strategies to deal with the situation he's in.  The fact of life is that people don't have to like you.  They don't have to play with you or include you.  Your child will be so much better served understanding that and learning strategies to deal with.  So, he should find something fun to do.  Entertain himself.  Maybe come up with a new game that the other kids can't resist.

My twins ran into a similar situation.  We moved into a new neighborhood for this school year.  2nd week at the bus stop, another first grader - Larla -  mentioned having a playdate.  My girls assumed they were invited.  Larla later made it know that they weren't.  Later in the week, she also ran around asking all the other little girls (except mine) to come to her playdate because she needed more people.  My girls were understandably hurt.  I walked them through all the different strategies to deal with Larla (who was basically dangling the fact that they weren't invited in their faces every day) and the situation.  We talked about what to do when she mentioned it (we have other fun plans!).  We talked about how you should want to have playdates with people who are kind to you.  Larla had her playdate with one other girl in the neighborhood. Monday at the bus stop, Larla tattled to the father of the girl who came to her playdate because she didn't want to play with her at the bus stop.  And the little girl basically said she had a miserable time and didn't want to be friends.  My girls were glad they weren't invited.

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Your girls have each other. Big difference [/quote]

+1.  Plus, it doesn't sound like the twins were actually being excluded by everyone - just by one kid who didn't have any friends.  [/quote]

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