Reply to I am considering becoming estranged from my parents

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Well you dad said since you were 4 so yeah, maybe you were just a really difficult kid and person.  I know - it's never, ever the kids fault. But in reality, sometimes it is.  Some kids are just difficult and then turn into difficult people.[/quote]

NP.  I work professionally with (mostly) dysfunctional families, and it is RARE that a child is just "born like that", born difficult or impossible.  The parent who says "From 4 yrs old to now [in your 30s] you were awful" is, frankly, being cruel.  And I highly highly doubt OP just turned some crazy corner at 4 and "became awful" all on her own.  So please ignore PP, it's highly unlikely this is just a "you issue".  You are the product of your environment, and it sounds like you had parents who struggled mightily with being warm to you or truly bonding with you.

The fact that your parents have treated you as they have - and I know we've only heard your side of the story but I'm going to trust you on the details - makes me think you actually did pretty well in your "rebellious stage" if you stayed in school and didn't become a behavior nightmare (which would have probably been understandable, but difficult for all).  You've basically been given the message "We don't really like you" by your parents according to your posts, for your whole life, which is enough to make some kids into total nightmare kids.  (It's cliche but kids believe what they're told, so if your parents treat you like you're not worth much, most will act like someone not worth much.)  Especially if your mom had an awful childhood; you never know if there are things about you that trigger her memories of her childhood more than your other siblings.  Which would NOT be your fault in any way, but could partly explain the difference in treatment you got?

Anyway, bottom line: 1) If you haven't seen a therapist yourself, you should.  You may have a lot of unaddressed hurt and other emotions built up that - even if you feel fine in the rest of your life, still can and do affect you if they're buried.  2) Totally agree with an earlier poster who said "Give up on expecting anything to change or for them to own their attitude towards you" (not exact words, but that was sentiment).  This next phase needs to be about what's best for you and your family.  Don't pin hopes on getting a good reaction out of your parents.  You don't want to be further let down.  And 3) Boundaries boundaries boundaries.  It's ok not to pick up the phone except for once in awhile.  It's ok to say - as someone else suggested - next time a parent drops a bomb like "You've been awful since you were 4" it's ok to say "Given how much disdain you've always had for me, it's a miracle I wasn't much worse.  And I'd appreciate it if you'd stop treating me with blatant contempt."  Oh, wait, is that too direct?  :)  That's how I'd handle it, but if that seems way too direct and triggering, it's also ok to say "That is a cruel thing to say and uncalled for.  It's really unfair that you treat me that way." and get up and walk out.  Who knows what the response will be, but just remember that as long as you're speaking your truth, with the goal of letting them know how they affect you (and NOT with goal of shaming them or getting back at them) then if they get upset or go off on you, you have that much more right to fully extricate yourself from your relationship with them.

Good luck OP, it's a rough situation.
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