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[quote=Anonymous]OP, your parents sound so much like my parents, and I can empathize with how frustrating it is.  When I invite them over to see the grandkids (several weeks in advance), they say they can't because my dad usually plays golf.  When I go to visit them, most of the time my dad is on the computer, watching tv, my mom is puttering around the house, and they hardly spend any time with the kids.

My mom brings up many small instances that she brings up too, of proof that my husband doesn't like her or that my FIL doesn't like her.  Like the one day that DH was making pancakes one morning, and didn't directly offer her any (she had refused every offer of food prior to that, and said she was avoiding sugar because she was pre-diabetic). Or when my FIL was really quiet one day (shortly after we lost a family member), she was convinced he was mad at her.  Trying to convince her otherwise just makes it worse. It might have something to do with the fact that she spent most of her childhood trying to please and avoid triggering a temper tantrum in her alcoholic father.

I should add that they are both depressed, my mom has OCD traits, she is also obsessive-paranoid-delusional - that is not an official thing, it's just how I would describe her behaviors, and my dad is incredibly selfish. But at the end of the day, I still know that in their own way, in the best way they know how, they love me, my DH and grandkids.

As hard as it is, you have to stop comparing with your wife's parents.  I don't have any great advice, but you've already received some good advice from the PPs.[/quote]

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