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[quote=Anonymous]Routine, routine, routine.  It sounds like your parents have a hard time with casual situations, so anything that pops up "out of the blue" (even if it doesn't seem like it to you because it's a few days in advance) feels overwhelming to them.  They want to plan ahead for things, and if you can give them more opportunities to do this, then it will help.

Your frustration and judgment of your parents obviously comes through in your post.  I suspect they sense it, too, and I suspect it makes you struggle to deal with them as you might with someone else who acts the same way.  This must not be new behavior -- were they like this while you were growing up?  The more you can try to forgive them for it and overlook it and just address them for who they are, the easier it will be on you, even though it's frustrating and hard.

My point about routine is that if you set up a schedule of some regular times to get together, that will make it easier on everyone.  Maybe you have Sunday night dinner together all the time, or you take your daughter over to their house for playtime every other Saturday, or whatever.  You can still extend some other invitations, but if you have this arranged, no one feels surprised by it, and it doesn't feel like an imposition on anyone.

Also, FWIW, some people just have different opinions on who should invite whom.  My MIL is more like your in-laws and constantly inviting herself and asking us to do things.  It's totally overwhelming and frustrating to me.  My parents are the other extreme, more like yours where they won't call me ever -- I'm supposed to call them (they don't live locally).  The extreme bothers me, but I know it's because they don't want to impose on me or make me feel like they're bothering me, and this is also how it always has been with generations -- my parents would call my grandparents, but not the other way around.  It's possible they are doing this to be respectful, even if it seems like it's neglectful.[/quote]

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