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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Hi OP, no advice but my husband is like that too.  H[b]e grew up with overbearing parents in a small house with no privacy.  I admit I was a bit overbearing with him early on[/b], which was spurred on by the difficulty in getting information from him.  I really hate it and it hasn't changed much over the years even though I have completely backed off.

My dh's lies are about 80% lies by omission.  There's never been a lie that has affected our lives - nothing affecting our "joint" finances, or as far as I know, cheating.[b]  I think his lies are a way of avoiding judgment and maintaining privacy.[/b]

A lot of times I don't even realize there was a lie until later when I put two and two together.  To call him out on it (without him getting angry and defensive) I have to be my most non-confrontational self and act all nonchalant as I suss out the information, then I restate it, so that he knows that I know he lied.  Then I get [i]exactly[/i] the same bs as you do.

Even though it's all been trivial so far, I definitely keep my eyes open.[/quote]

Bingo.[/quote]

I am the PP upthread who mentioned a former work colleague. Yes, this above is what I am talking about. I see this as a form of passivr aggressiveness and it's annoying but fairly common I suspect.

PPs recommending divorce are way off base unless there is more going on here. If he "ruins you financially" that's a different story but OP did not say that. 
[/quote]
I don't see why the divorce recommendation is offbase. Maybe OP doesn't want to be married to someone like this, I sure wouldn't, so why should she be? [/quote]

Exactly. [/quote]

To be clear, I find this annoying and I said so. But I say divorce advice is off base because passive aggressiveness is a minor and common character flaw IMO, not a major one like true dishonestly or maliciousness. It's a small flaw that can possibly be addressed with therapy, both single and couples. I wouldn't write a marriage off because of it, not until having made a sincere effort to work through it. 
[/quote]
You'd be a doormat to consider this problem to be a minor character flaw. Picking your teeth at the table is a minor character flaw. Lying about things for no reason at all is a huge personality flaw. I can guarantee that a person like him would not agree to counseling and if he went, he would try to turn every point against the counselor and OP. Then he would go home and lie about what he said. [/quote]

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