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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Hi OP, no advice but my husband is like that too.  H[b]e grew up with overbearing parents in a small house with no privacy.  I admit I was a bit overbearing with him early on[/b], which was spurred on by the difficulty in getting information from him.  I really hate it and it hasn't changed much over the years even though I have completely backed off.

My dh's lies are about 80% lies by omission.  There's never been a lie that has affected our lives - nothing affecting our "joint" finances, or as far as I know, cheating.[b]  I think his lies are a way of avoiding judgment and maintaining privacy.[/b]

A lot of times I don't even realize there was a lie until later when I put two and two together.  To call him out on it (without him getting angry and defensive) I have to be my most non-confrontational self and act all nonchalant as I suss out the information, then I restate it, so that he knows that I know he lied.  Then I get [i]exactly[/i] the same bs as you do.

Even though it's all been trivial so far, I definitely keep my eyes open.[/quote]

Bingo.[/quote]

I am the PP upthread who mentioned a former work colleague. Yes, this above is what I am talking about. I see this as a form of passivr aggressiveness and it's annoying but fairly common I suspect.

PPs recommending divorce are way off base unless there is more going on here. If he "ruins you financially" that's a different story but OP did not say that. 
[/quote]
I don't see why the divorce recommendation is offbase. Maybe OP doesn't want to be married to someone like this, I sure wouldn't, so why should she be? [/quote]

Exactly. [/quote]

To be clear, I find this annoying and I said so. But I say divorce advice is off base because passive aggressiveness is a minor and common character flaw IMO, not a major one like true dishonestly or maliciousness. It's a small flaw that can possibly be addressed with therapy, both single and couples. I wouldn't write a marriage off because of it, not until having made a sincere effort to work through it. 
[/quote]

Um, no.  I grew up with a passive aggressive husband and years of therapy, losing his wife and jobs because of it- none of this has broken him of it.  Today he doesn't have a relationship with me, not a meaningful one with any of my siblings.

Passive aggression is a major issue, often much worse than simple dishonesty.  Because at its heart it displays contempt and resentment for the person you are in a relationship with. I would never live like that again.[/quote]

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