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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous] B/c my point was that most people around here seem to make a core circle of friends when they are young and not working, maybe even not married so can be spontaneous and hang out after work or join kickball league or what not.

B/c we work at nonprofits, we are unusual in living close on, all of our colleagues when we were childless commuted from far out (we live in Bethesda, but coworkers are in Gaithersburgs or PWC -- we traded off house size/quality to get an ok commute).  So they tend to stay in their for off hoods and don't feel like driving in on weekends since they do it all week; we go out to visit, but it doesn't really foster close friendships b/c of distance and infrequency.

Making friends with school families and neighbors has been hard b/c we both WOH.  We see the SAHMs meeting up after school drop off and heading out to coffee, and honestly I get a little jealous -- wish we could find a way to live off DH salary but that ship has sailed at this point.  Meeting up with a mom for lunch is hard b/c my workday is very demanding and I tend to eat lunch at my desk if that.

Realistically, if you are working parents, how did you make good friends when the time you can even get to know people will be on a weekend around everyone's actvities (both families) and of course the pile of chores that pile up during the week?  Going out on a saturday night is ok I guess, but when you hire a babysitter there's a jhard clock running in the background on how long it can go on.

We have invited over families where we like the parents a good deal and would like to get to know them, but haven't really had much reciprocation, and even when we do, it's several weeks later... at this pace a good friendship would take like 3 years to even get an ok foundation!

What are we doing wrong?  One theory is that when we invite families over, perhaps we are too boring!?? Not sure how to fix that either :)

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I also work outside the home and a few pieces of advice.  I think the family invites are going to be tough because this assumes the husbands get along, the kids get along, the wives get along AND the other family is organized enough and will enjoy hosting in return.  Not to say that doesn't happen, but that is a tough for that to all line up and be a way of becoming friends. The better bet is everyone works on their friendships.

My DH for example loves baseball.  He will go to games with co-workers and while we haven't worked up to it yet, he may coordinate with another dad to that they bring their kids to a National game and get tickets together.  At various parent events, via small talk he figures out who has similar interests. My male co-workers with kids all have an outside interest.  Two of them play sports and another is a musician.  You just have to commit to each person having that one night during the work week to pursue an activity or in the case of the musician getting a weekend night. Right now, I have friends from a moms meet up group and we try to do a moms night out once a month.  When the kids were younger we would meet 7:30 on a Tuesday night since the kids were almost in bed so it wasn't as much work for DH. I've tried book clubs but that wasn't my thing.  I also volunteer at the school and am slooooowly getting to know other families that way.  When I've seen and chatted with people for a few times I feel comfortable enough to arrange carpools, invite kids over or suggest a meetup spot like the park or iceskating, and now the kids are at the age for sleepovers.  While I wouldn't say I'm best friends with the other parents it is helping my kids get to spend time with their friends and if there is an area of interest among the parents like taking the same class at a gym or cooking etc, one parents may suggest that a few people try it together.  During small talk with other parents, I do try to get an idea of how full someone's dance card might be so to speak. While not always the case, usually if someone went to high school or college in this area they already have a circle of friends and aren't motivated to make new friends unless their friends don't live nearby or have kids.

Did want to add that weekend get togthers are tough because of errands and kids activities.  I usually want to rest or spend time with my family. I'm also not going to want to hire a babysitter to go out with people I don't know well.  I would rather have a date night with my spouse. If I'm actually friends already, we might do so but even that isn't common because we don't have our Kelly and Deacon (King of Queens where wives are BFF and husbands are also best friends)[/quote]

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