Reply to Would you rather your family were close-knit or high achieving?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Close knit without being too clannish or stand offish - if that is possible.

DH's family thinks they are close knit, but only when they want something.  Also, they are very exclusionary, and proud of it.  They are awkward and awful.

[b]My family is high achieving, and usually close knit, though we don't have to live near each other to be close.  I would feel terrible if my family needed to be located close by in order to be close - that would actually not be "close" at all, to me.  [/b]

[/quote]

I understand what you are saying but respectfully disagree. My sister is my closest confidant outside of my DH, we are very close. I adore her and she's really just awesome (we have no other siblings) we are also both close with our parents and I'm sure our upbringing in an extended, immigrant family helped foster a lot of this. Character and hard work was important, not one's rank or status, since TBH my family didn't have much rank and status!

But my sister lives in Boston and I am here. Our lives have gotten pretty set with our spouses and jobs (and my DH job in particular). We talk a lot, we fly back and forth, we meet up in our hometown (middle ground driving distance), we are the ones who actually look forward to a summer beach house extended family rental because all IL and step siblings get a long well. But there is not a doubt in my mind that there is an even different kind of closeness that is achieved with proximity. Its because then seeing each other isn't about an event or a planned visit. It can be something as simple as "Hey I'm going hiking this weekend, I can pick up your son if he wants to come do that trail with me for 2 hours" or I have that dress you wanted to borrow, we can meet by your office so I can give it to you. Or getting to see your nephews' mid week tee ball game just because its a nice night and you want to see them.

No doubt I am close to my sister but we have a strong desire to live near each other because we have seen first hand that different kind of "close" that proximity can bring if you already have these relationships.

Proximity doesn't force it, it enhances it.[/quote]

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