Reply to MIL just confided in me that she caught FIL in cheating...

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]C'mon, people, the OP's description of who the MIL is and how she told her ends the debate:  DO NOT TELL THE HUSBAND.  The MIL confided to the OP in a weak moment, and asked her not to tell.  She's staying with the husband.  What's to be gained by opening this can of worms?  If it's only to avoid the husband getting pissed off down the road IF he ever learns both of the affair and that the OP didn't tell him, it's well worth the risk.  Surely the OP and her husband have a strong enough relationship to survive the husband finding out that the wife decided not to tell him something that she thought might hurt him and disrupt the entire extended family for no good reason whatsoever.

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As a DH, I wouldn't be so sure of that.  While the marriage will almost certainly "survive" the revelation, keeping material secrets from one's spouse is not good for a marriage, and if I were OP's DH I would feel flat-out deceived by her not sharing.  It would certainly make me question what other information she had unilaterally decided I didn't need to know.  [/quote]

"Material" secret my ass.  What makes it material?  I don't know if you have children, but I guarantee you that when/if you do and they get older your DW is going to know things about them that she's not going to tell you.  And vice-versa.  Your naive if you think otherwise.  I see no difference between that situation and the OP's. [/quote]

It's obviously important information. I mean, the thread would be very different if it was "MIL just confided in me that FIL has bad breath."  OP knows it, which is why she is conflicted, basically everyone else on the thread knows it, which is why it is being discussed, and while it is perfectly principled for you to take the strong "it's none of anyone's business" line---which seems to come up a lot on these cheating threads---many reasonable people disagree with you on that.

If my DW conceals important information from me about our children, as you suggest will happen, we are going to have a huge problem when that time comes.  It's not naive to expect or insist on being kept in the loop, and one spouse is not entitled to keep such things secret from the other.  It's naive to expect that sort of secrecy not to have significant consequences on a relationship.
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You have a lot to learn, my friend.  There's not a parent of an adult in America who isn't keeping something they know about their children from the other parent.  But keep patting yourself on the back and saying you and your wife will be unique.    [/quote]

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