Reply to Divorce etiquette. What happens to former bil?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I wanted to clarify the sh*t husband comment. He worked constantly, and was able to give my sister the home and life of her dreams. She didn't have to work and she had a team of nanny's, house keepers, etc. But he didn't really like being married (to her?) Maybe. He spent a lot of time checked out of their marriage, opting to not really give her any personal time, if we had something planned he was all for it.[b] But if she asked for a date night, there was no way it was happening. I think had he been more involved in her, she might still be with him[/b]. But who knows. She also lost weight for the first time in her life and was getting a lot of attention from other men. I think she checked out a long time ago too. I[b] wouldnt want to be married to him but as a friend, he was the best.[/b] And not threatening her personal safety just she's not gonna get any support from him, she's requesting $4200 per month to take care of the kids, and she can't have the new car or the house. [/quote]

He sounds like a sh*t husband and your poor sister had to deal with the fact that even though her family knew he was a sh*t husband they thought "he was the best."  Ugh!  Your poor sister. [/quote]
The OP's sister had an affair with her best friend's husband. She may not be the best object for your sympathy.[/quote]

She shouldn't have had an affair but it sounds like a response to having a sh*t husband for years. Nothing lonelier than a lonely marriage.  She has my sympathy.  [/quote]

They are grown ass adults who made a long series of choices to get to their respectively shitty situations. Neither really needs sympathy, nothing "happened" to either of them. A good friend does not bang her pal's husband no matter how shitty her life, a good husband doesn't not neglect his marriage no matter how important his job. Not that hard. But that doesn't necessarily make either terrible people. [b]I don't get how people can't separate out how someone can be a good friend but not a good spouse?[/b] Those people are usually carrying their own relationship baggage into evaluating people.

So they made a mess of it together and need to figure out how to go forward and not live a messy drama their whole lives.

[/quote]

If the OP were an old friend of the BIL maybe this would be relevant.  But here it reflects badly on the OP.   If you reread her posts it sounds like her sister was treated badly by her husband for years.  The OP overlooked that, and her sister's unhappiness, because he was so much fun.  I don't care how fun someone is and if they treat someone I care about in a bad way.  [/quote]

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