Reply to Sibling misinforming about sick parent

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, you need medical POA to be given medical information about your parent's treatment. That has nothing to do with Caring Bridge or any of those types of sites.

I have a parent with Alzheimers who lives out of state. It is never definitively diagnosed, since it requires a brain autopsy to be certain. A neurologist would typically diagnose it by ruling other causes of dementia out. It's not always precise - in my father's case, they initially thought it was vascular dementia but after time and more MRIs determined it was Alzheimers.

Believe me, your sibling can't just toss your parent in a skilled nursing facility because s/he want to do that - you have to have an underlying medical need, and then either you shell out a lot of money ($9k per month in our case) or you find a rare bed for someone on Medicaid. And no nursing home is going to medicate an elderly person who is otherwise healthy. Unfortunately a lot of Alzheimer's patients require some meds to sleep without disturbance or to minimize anxiety and other psych conditions.

Fwiw OP, even if you don't believe the diagnosis, it's probably accurate. A lot of Alzheimer's patients have amazing coping skills - they typically learn to fake greater comprehension as a way of compensating for their deficits when they're still aware. My father charms everyone he meets. But he doesn't know what day it is, or where he is, or how old he is; he's incontinent and can't eat solid food. And he often describes events that we know are purely delusional. [/quote]

OP here.  I am grateful, thank you, thank you.  I believe there is a legitimate diagnosis.  What I do not believe is that any immediately related family can not automatically be the point of contact.  But beside that, it is a frustrating process, as you know.  There is a history here and sibling is taking full advantage in their favor.  I want to be sure my parent is getting the best care, and I want to know how we can avoid death's door, if there is hope, how I can find it, frankly.  Thank you again.  If you are available to chime in again, I would be even more grateful.  Unfortunately, I don't know what questions to ask.

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