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[quote=Anonymous][quote]Adult child of despicable parents here:

--You don't owe anyone your pain
--Anyone can purchase a plane ticket.  It is a contract between her and the airlines that doesn't bind you or your kids. 
--Narcissists, borderlines, and psychopaths use material things (in this case a plane ticket) and unilateral actions (in this case, coming to DC uninvited) as a way of roping normal, decent people into their sickness.   
--Your answer is in your heart:  If she hadn't purchased a plane ticket without your request or consent, you'd have no reason or inclination to see her. 
--Take your family to a nice dinner together and celebrate that you have built something that's not based on guilt, manipulation, and craziness.

Repeat often:  no one can require me to feel pain.  No one can purchase access to me and my kids.  I survived, I moved on, and I do not need to look back. [/quote]

[quote]If you conclude you do want to see her, you also don't need to meet with her now. You can choose a date and time that works for you, not one that she chose to put you on the spot.

In the interest of self-care, I would suggest that you see a trauma therapist to help you identify and address any triggers related to her, anxieties that you have, and the physical and mental effects of engaging with her. Once you have an awareness of how interacting affects you, you can decide whether and when to see her.

In addition to being more protective of your own wellbeing, this approach enables you to take control of the playing field. She gets to see you on her terms, not because she decided to drop in.

To the posters saying that the children need access to this woman, I congratulate you on the good fortune not to have been raised by (or abandoned by) truly horrible people. There are bad, bad people in this world and some of them reproduce. Being the offspring of such a parent is brutal, life-changing, and sometimes life-destroying. Those of us who came out the other side ok would never expect anyone to understand. Believe me, though, some people are just toxic. If you told me that my child "needs" to know her borderline grandmother or her alcoholic grandfather I'd say she "needs" that about as much as she "needs" to know the copperhead who bit my brother's foot when we were little. Some people are poison, even in small doses.
[/quote]

I love the two PPs.  This is excellent advice.[/quote]

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