Reply to 2nd wives: If DH came from low/no sex 1st marriage, how often do you feel you can turn him down?

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Reply to "2nd wives: If DH came from low/no sex 1st marriage, how often do you feel you can turn him down?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]She shouldn't have to turn him down. When I started Zoloft four months ago my normally-high libido disappeared in a poof. It was four weeks before we added Wellbutrin and another 3-4 before my libido returned. During all of that time, DH knew my default was going to be "not tonight" so we agreed that I would make the moves until I felt better. We didn't have a lot of sex during that time, but what we had I enjoyed and he never had to feel rejected or turned down. And now my libido is back and he's the one who can't keep up! No, your friend shouldn't feel guilty or responsible for having sex right now or anything...this is a short term situation, if he can't cope with it that says a lot about him. [/quote]

The "wait until she makes a move" plan is a recipe for a death spiral. Even if she has good intentions, it ignores the fact that - for many women - the guy showing desire for her in the form of a strong initiation is the very thing that gets her in the mood for sex. [/quote]

This would be true for most couples during periods of normal sexual appetite. However, when the woman is not interested 95% of the time, empowering her to indicate she IS interested can prevent the frustration of repeatedly having to turn the man down.

And anyway, try to be a little more creative. The woman indicating she's in the mood doesn't have to mean the man isn't showing desire for her. During my dry spell, I'd let DH know before dinner that I would be interested and he would make the physical moves later in the evening. The dynamic you reference remained intact and he didn't have to initiate a lot of sex I was going to turn down. Win-win.[/quote]

How in the world would you know that you'd be interested after dinner? And if you had that much control over your interest, couldn't you be interested most times?[/quote]

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