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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I wasn't prepared for the person I'd been with for 13 years, who I had always fundamentally believed was a decent guy, to turn into a raging asshole. We had always had a pleasant existence. Our initial break-up was sad, but not angry or spiteful. Then, when it came time to deal with all the practical concerns--housing, cars, furniture, etc. he was a complete prick. He did his best to hurt me in every way possible. And to actually screw me out of money/property. I was so taken aback, as were our mutual friends. No one would have suspected it based on his personality. (and it was his idea first to split!) I ended up just wanting to get away from the new pain he was causing me as soon as possible and so I got royally screwed on the "settlement" aspect of it. I guess I wish I could have just known that, despite the fact that he and I had said we were going to handle the breakup "like friends" that it's not necessarily true. Maybe I could have been more emotionally prepared and stood my ground on some things. [/quote]

This was exactly my experience, except the marriage lasted 17 years. I went with a milquetoast attorney at first, and then after a few months when I realized that I was in danger of being stuck with a ton of debt and possibly losing custody of my kids, fired her and hired a "bulldog." OP, if your current spouse has controlling tendencies, be prepared for him/her to turn into a raging asshole. The controlling person gets WAY worse when he/she realizes that control is being lost. Good luck![/quote]

+1
This was me too. And 17 years as well. Except that I did one thing right in that I hired a solid attorney from the get-go.  That has been a lifesaver for me.  I also got myself and my kids into therapy asap.  Also a lifesaver.  While this has mitigated some of the damage, I am still saddled with some serious financial fallout that will take me years to unravel.  And my ex has not paid a dime in support, and cheerfully handed me full custody.  He barely sees the kids, which is awful for them.  I wish at least he would step up and be a father.  I am surprised that he bailed on the kids that he used to dote on so completely.  It's horrible to watch.  I'm not sorry I divorced, but I'm sorry that I had to.  That part sucks.  But you have to deal with the reality of your situation, not the way you wish it was.  Or wasn't.  Hugs and good luck.[/quote]

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