Reply to About to turn 54 and I'm having a wave of sadness and depression

Forum Index » Eldercare

Reply to "About to turn 54 and I'm having a wave of sadness and depression"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm about to turn 54 and I suddenly feel very sad.  My dh is at the end of the bed doing push ups and Dumbbells.   He's lost weight such that his wedding band keeps flying off.  I on the other hand have all sorts of health issues, keep gaining weight, have abandoned exercise (Heath concerns have interfered), am addicted to refined carbs and weigh 30 lbs too much.   We have an adopted special needs child who is a lot of work although she's a sweet child.   My parents are both deceased.  My work is low pay and deadend.  I have a few masters degrees. I don't have solid friendships   They are more surface relationships.  I'm in therapy.  His and and I are in therapy.  Feeling stuck.  No family.  Any advice from anyone whose been here? I know changing my diet and focusing on my we'll be my would help.  Was supposed to celebrate tomorrow w dinner and a comedy club.  Sitter just cancelled due to death in the family. Subs aren't available.     Deep sigh.   Thanks. [/quote]

OP, I am thinking of you.  I saw your post yesterday and it resonated with me but didn't have time to write until now.  I've been through some similar issues, hitting middle age, addiction to refined carbs, career stagnation, only surface friendships, no family nearby, and giving so much of myself to my son that I became a shell of my former self.  Unlike your situation, DH is less motivated than me in terms of diet and exercise, but he is more motivated when he sees me doing more.  Several of the PPs gave good advice.  Here are some things that worked for me.

Create a list of time obligations and cross as many off your list as possible so that you create bubbles of free time (sometimes we just have a Netflix show and pick up takeout instead of going out for an entire evening and having to get child care).  If you are not getting enough sleep, keep adjusting your bedtime by going to bed 15 minutes earlier than the previous day.  Keep doing this until you wake up without an alarm clock with 2 hours of extra time in the morning.

If muscle and joint issues contribute to your difficulties exercising (for me it was the knees), try physical therapy.  I went first thing in the morning on Saturdays for about 8 weeks.  Previously I was not able to walk down stairs without leaning heavily on the bannister.  The physical therapist got me doing knee exercises and taking a spin class at the gym.  Over the next 18 months I lost 3 dress sizes and felt much better in all aspects of life and my work responsibilities have increased significantly.  I am not too familiar with Graves and the other conditions you named, but hoping that you can find some type of gentle exercise that would work for you.

I am still working on the lack of family/close friendships part.

In terms of eating, I started using the My Fitness Pal app for all food and exercise.  That made me gradually substitute away from things like pizza with extra cheese and sausage to gluten free pasta with black beans and marinara.  I started baking a few gluten free vegan breakfast cookies from the Minimalist Baker site, and keeping extra in the freezer.  I also substituted chick pea flour for regular wheat flour in those recipes.

I wish I could be your friend in real life and we could support each other, but I will come here and check on you from time to time![/quote]

PP, what a nice response to the OP.  Congratulations on your weight loss.  A lot of what you and OP shared resonates with me as well.  I'm in my early 40s (two young kids later in life pregnancies) and now have a good 20 to 30 pounds I could lose. Sleep deprivation did contribute a lot to my addiction to carbs (something I never had before) and I find myself reaching for them quite a bit for stress relief.  DH is very tall and fit (genetically thin) and actually has trouble maintaining weight unless he exercises regularly.  His being thin doesn't stress me out, but we definitely have other issues in our marriage.

I get the loneliness part.  My mom passed away 14 years ago (from an autoimmune disease --only 57) (my sympathies OP for your various health ailments), and our family disappeared (only men in my family).  Dad retreated into new marriage (lives abroad).  One brother hangs out mainly with his wife's family and the other is a complete mess.  My in-laws are not very nice people, so I mourn for my kids.  I get the exhaustion part with juggling a job and being responsible for taking care of kids.

It's been hard on the friendship side for me as well.  Most of my friends either don't have kids or are at different stages of parenthood so it's been difficult to do things socially as a family.  It wasn't easier even as a couple.  My husband is even way more introverted than me, and while I mistook some of it as shyness, it wasn't a while after we had been married that I realized a lot of it had to do with the way he was raised.  He's not a bad person, but the way he sees the world was shaped largely by his parents.  He doesn't see things the way that a lot of people do, so it's hard for him to find people he truly clicks with.  And I think people aren't that comfortable with him.  So while I don't claim to be a social butterfly myself, it's harder when you have to "double date" and then add the two kids and it's a lot of people you have to click with to build any type of meaningful friendships.

I'm not giving up and neither should you.

Good luck to both of you.  Hang in there, OP.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics