Reply to Christmas Trees

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]"Step mom refusing to let stepdaughter have her Christmas tree is anything but making step daughter feel comfortable and loved. In fact, it is the complete opposite and sends a clear message that this is NOT stepdaughter's home and her traditions are not welcome in the family."

It is a difficult situation, and fact specific.  If H had prior custody and raising his DD with a tree and then remarried and step mom banned it,of course I would agree with above poster that should make SD feel rejected. But, that is not OP's situation. Would you feel it is OK for SD to eat ham and shrimp in the house if those are her favorite foods?  I was a kid whose mother remarried a man who kept a kosher home.  Although I was raised Jewish, I knew almost niching about this -- no ice cream / dairy after dinner with meat, no milk in coffee,  confusing rules about dishes, schlepping to orthodox services that were entirely in Hebrew that meant nothing to me, etc.  BUT, NEVER for a moment did I not feel completely loved and welcomed by my stepfather.  I had my issues with my mother for marrying him-- i did not like the rules -- and perhaps the SD will have 
issues with her father marrying OP, but an 18 year old has to realize you don't walk into a home you have never lived in and expect the rules to change for you especially when there are younger children being raised differently.  Frankly, I suspect this is much about Dad's belated guilt trip relating to not living with his daughter - assuming likely because of a divorce-- and I suspect this is much less important to the SD.  I get that Christmas is a wonderful warm holiday and trees can be great, but an 18 year old should get it also if OP does not want to go there.  Focusing here on OP's situation.  Details matter.

How did you get all of this from OP's post?  Honestly I had the sense she was not flat out banning the tree but rather trying to get comfortable with it.  Not sure we have any real details about why SD is now living there, and what her circumstances are (ie: will she celebrate separately with her mom's family or is whatever she does with her dad the only celebration she gets).  Details def matter but I don't think we know any of the relevant ones here ...
      
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