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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP.  Actually, [b]I think your husband needs help.  He may be suffering from a deep-seated anxiety about being good enough that probably arises from the way he was raised and is unfortunately projecting that onto your son. [/b]

Criticizing him probably isn't going to help.  If you need to, start with family therapy where your son has a chance to tell his dad how his constant lectures/corrections make him feel.  Then, your husband needs to hear that this is not normal and that there's something wrong with his compulsion to constantly criticize.  I hope he finds the help he needs, because unless he deals with whatever is causing him to be hypercritical of his son, he's at risk of screwing up your son and/or alienating him.

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My guess is this is 100% on point.

Anxiety and depression show up differently in different people.  Some turn it all inward on themselves.  I think this is what most people picture when they think of a depressed or anxious person.

But many people express their anxiety and depression outward onto others.  It's sometimes in the form of anger (temper, outbursts, bullying etc.) or projection (being critical of others for the exact things they judge and find lacking in themselves.)  Sounds like your DH is doing both -- all packaged up as trying to "help" your DS.  Though of course it's not an effective way to be helpful.  It's more of an outlet for your DH's issues.

If this is indeed on point, it is something your DH needs to address.  Not just as it shows up in the way he relates to your son.  That's awful, and of course it needs to stop.  But that's just the symptom of the underlying problem.  He ALSO needs to deal with his own issues.  They're eating him alive from the inside, and he deserves to live a more peaceful life.

Individual therapy can work wonders.  Many people are resistant to that ("I don't have a problem!"), and family therapy is often an easier entry point.  In my experience, that can start out as therapy about the child's issues/problems/feelings, and quickly spin off into side sessions with each parent individually.  From there, the parents can each do their own personal work, which ultimately benefits the child and each other as a whole.

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