Reply to Single Mother by Choice Rant

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don't like the phrase either, but thought it had a different connotation and intent. I had not seen it as differentiating in the same way as OP.

When I have seen the phrase, it is more to convey that because a woman shows to be a single parent, she should not be asking for, or receiving, more slack, assistance, or sympathy based on her going it alone.[b] There is, for better or worse, a kind of victim status often given to "single mothers". They are revered for their fortitude, and receive extra slack, and admiration for "getting through" parenting alone. If someone is identified as going it alone by choice however, it indicates that she is not a victim at all and has chosen to parent without a partner. Haven't gotten there by choice, others may feel it last necessary for the community to help her out with parenting responsibilities.[/b][/quote]

I'm taking this a bit off topic, but this is worth discussing because it's interesting. I find this to be very much a double edged sword. I've both received the slack and also been seen as an absolute liability in the workplace when presented as a single parent. I've not found any particular overwhelming wave of help offered up without my asking for it specifically (which you hopefully learn to do at some point in life no matter what your circumstances, because life isn't a solo sport). The strong woman stereotype has an ugly side. People who are expected to be superheros sometimes get heaped on when they reveal that they aren't. I'm interested in others' thoughts about this. [/quote]

When I was a single mom, I never experienced the wave of help. I did get a lot of "I don't know how you do it alone..." from women who would kind of melt down when their partners would go away for a few days. Obviously not all women were like that, but that happened a lot more than people actually offering to help and following through on that offer.[/quote]

Absolutely agree.  I have not been offered a lot of help and honestly, I haven't asked for much help either.  We're doing okay for the most part.[/quote]

Also agree and have also gotten the "I don't know how you do it  alone . . . "  You just do, that's all.  You play the hand you're dealt. [/quote]

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