Reply to Appropriate Punishment for Lying?

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[quote=Anonymous]There are great replies and advice on here! I would like some advice on my current situation please!

I'm 28, mother of 3, and help my grandmother look after my 13 year old niece.....who lies constantly....about any and everything. We have just started her in counselling again (last year, it didn't work. Her lies went further on to stealing and such) So we have her at a different counselor with a different approach.  Here's my current situation. She has made up a few lies about things that happened while she spent 1 night at my house. Took my husbands phone and read through all his texts (some of mine and his text to each other are not exactly PG or R for that matter) and youtubed inappropriate things on it (my other niece told me this) and then deleted her browsing history. Made up inappropriate things that she said he(my husband) had been viewing on there, which I know to be lie because he just erased his history on youtube because our kids, 9 and under, have just started using our phones more and he didn't want them to see vulgar things on there. Then tells that she talked to my husband about cheating and made it sound like had cheated on me earlier in our relationship. Made up things that are of no importance at all, for example that her and my husband saw a foreigner and he then started mocking him and talking like him. Of course she hasn't told me any of this. She confided in our cousin who told me and my grandmother everything. My husband did not allow her to use his phone because she's had issues with looking at sexual things on peers and our cousins devices, but we know she used his because she set his screen to selfies she took.  I spoke to my husband about it and he said the only thing he mentioned about cheating was when she asked him out of the blue if he ever cheated. He told her, yes he did when he was younger because he kissed a different girl than his girlfriend. but that was all that was said on the topic and there was no foreigners around town that they saw. These are just a very few examples of the things she's said from that night she stayed with us and I also had my other nieces there too to vouch that what she said wasn't true. I don't know if she was upset because she wasn't center of attention because we had our other nieces there or what. Whatever her reasons are, lying like this ridiculous and I know she needs to know that we are not going to put up with it....but how to get that through to her? We have discussed how her lying isn't doing anyone any good, grounded, spankings, and she no longer has her tablet. That is our previous punishments.

Backstory: My grandmother has custody of her because her mom was abusive. We've all ( my cousin/her spouse, and me and my husband) helped out whenever we can to take the strain of our grandparents and give my niece a good time with us on vacation or hanging around the house. We have had meeting and after meeting with her teachers about her and her stories she tells. One teacher ( a male teacher) says he refuses to be alone with her for fear of things she would make up. I've never worried about her making up things about us because she's looked at us like her parents, but this takes the cake. Usually she when she lies its about things she wished happened, like getting called out in class for behaving so well and getting an award, or something to that affect...things for attention. Usually when the big lies happen, we (my cousin and I) step and try to do more with her, positive reinforcement style (encouraging her not to lie and have good behavior and she is rewarded with spending a week with us, or going out to eat with us), but positive reinforcement is obviously not working.

What sort of punishment should go with this? I'm at a loss!!!!! The only thing I can think of is making her tell her therapist all this, with us sitting in there with her. I don't think of that so much as a punishment because that needs to happen anyway.

ANY help would be great!!!!![/quote]

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