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Reply to "Travelling to a wedding when dating - who pays?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I would have picked up the whole tab for my DH back when we were dating and he made a quarter of what I made (he was law student at the time, only made $ as a summer intern).

I don't get why people are in these weirdly unequal relationships and don't see fit to share[b] their largesse[/b] if they are the higher-earning member of the couple, unless they aren't serious and they don't want to sink more money than they absolutely have to into doing things with someone they aren't into. That's my guess for what's happening here. It's not like the guy is making $100K and the woman is making $80K. It's hugely unequal and it's a shared event (despite it being for her relatives). I'd definitely pay. That he wouldn't just offer to smacks of him not really committing to this relationship. [/quote]

It's not THEIR largesse. They aren't married. They aren't engaged.

It'd be swell if he offered to foot the whole bill but it's not reasonable to EXPECT him to pay for her out of town family wedding.
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+1.  His income is irrelevant to this discussion.  It is her event, he is invited as her guest, she made the decision to go on her own it wasn't a joint family/financial decision made with him for her to attend, this is what she would spend if she went all alone.  It seems odd to me that he would bankroll this. When I was dating my now husband and we were pretty serious I brought him with me when I went furniture shopping.  He was not living with me and while I didn't want to pick something he hated it was my decision.  I surely did not turn to him to pay when it was time to order.   The only exception I could see for OP is if this was an actual gift to her in the sense she could not afford to go so as a birthday/valentine day/anniversary etc he was paying for this as a vacation so to speak.

I think the whole thing about sharing largesse is that easily can extend to everyone ...having family always "borrowing" money etc and I think even if you have it you would a) want to be able to do your own financial planning instead of having open ended financial obligations to everyone and b) want to feel like it wasn't expected to the point people get angry if you don't pay for their lifestyle.  I think you can be generous and not have to be a walking ATM.

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