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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I agree that counseling is desperately needed.[b] Usually when a marriage starts everything is combined instead of separate so that trust can be built and you won't always think in terms of mine and hers.[/b] I found a great article online that describes the danger of keeping things separated, maybe it will help a little http://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/money-and-finances/money-management-in-marriage/his-hers-or-ours Hope you get things worked out soon.

RJays7[/quote]

But this doesn't always have to be the case.  When we married, we had both a lot of established accounts, registered accounts for bill paying, etc.  We kept all of our accounts as is, but we added each other's name to the accounts.  In 13 years, I think I've looked in my wife's accounts maybe once and vice versa, but we both have our names on each others accounts.  We also check every quarter how much we each have in savings, checking, etc and we jointly make decisions about what to do.  A few years ago, we shifted a large amount from my account to her account because the interest rate at her credit union was significantly higher.  She has an automatic transfer of a certain amount from her account to mine every month to help pay the bills since I do all the bills.

There is no reason that you need to combine everything in order to have trust.  You have to have transparency and access so that each can always look or move money if needed, but you don't need to change the way you bank in order to create trust.  Concealing and locking things away prevent the trust from building, but not maintaining separate financing.[/quote]

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