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[quote=Anonymous]It doesn't have to be all or nothing. I sympathize with OP, but you also need to act with compassion - if not to your in-laws directly, to your husband.

My MIL is a disaster with money. She's 67 years old, has no savings, significant debt, and a job that she could lose any day. And yet she spends money on stupid, unnecessary things. As an example - her car battery died and so she BOUGHT A NEW CAR. A brand new, off the lot car. And not even a good one! Instead of just charging her damn battery. And on top of that, I really dislike her personally. She's very whiny and needy and, ugh.

Anyway, I offer that to let you know that i truly feel your pain. I know the day is coming when we'll need to support her. And I'll do it. Not for her, exactly, but for my husband. Because he loves his mother and it would break his heart to see her struggle. And I  love him and will do what I can to keep his heart from breaking.

So, if I were you, OP, I would be prepared to offer certain help. I would never let my in-laws starve, or freeze, or go without medical care, even if that meant I had to sacrifice some luxuries. But, I also wouldn't give them an allowance to use at their discretion, or feel obligated to subsidize their current lifestyle.

So, in short, I would agree to help pay for necessities, provided the in-laws are open about their finances so you can see their not blowing their money on expensive wine. I also agree with advice to pay the bills directly. Don't just write in-laws a check for $1000/month or whatever.

Sorry you're dealing with this. I'd try to focus on it through the lens of your love for DH. In the long term, your kindness to your in-laws will be a much more valuable lesson for your kids than anything they could learn in private school.[/quote]

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