Reply to IL's are offended I don't call them Mom & Dad

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]^^And of course my resistance to your sensible, rational response is totally colored by my own experience.  I have a very manipulative mother in law so placating is the last thing we ever do with her.  So maybe I'm painting OP's inlaws with an unfair brush.[/quote]

I see your point, but I don't love slippery slope arguments. Once the in laws demand something that truly matters, you can always draw the line there.

My answer is probably colored by the fact that I really don't think there's a very clear correct answer here:

1. I don't think its crazy for in laws to hope you will call them "mom" and "dad." Yes, they're not REALLY your mom and dad, but nobody is suddenly confused into thinking otherwise. The point is that they want to feel like they are welcoming you to their family (and that they are not losing a son or daughter). Refusing to give them an honorary title, when doing so would be so easy (in their mind) seems like you don't want to recognize your new connection to them. I don't think they're right to feel this way, but I get it.

2.  I also don't think its crazy to not want to do it. When I use the term "mom" and "dad" I think of all the things my parents have done for me and I just can't imagine honoring someone else with the same title. Nobody else "deserves" mom and dad status. At the same time, I know my parents are sane and reasonable people, and won't be offended if I call my inlaws "mom" and "dad," (and my wife did call them mom and dad without them asking her to do so). And a label has only the meaning I ascribe to it; as long as I honor and respect what my parents did for me, what difference does it make what word I use for my in-laws? It vaguely bothers me that I feel like my wife's parents get more concessions from us because they are unreasonable and my parents are chill, but you know, if my parents don't mind it, why should I mind on their behalf.

3.  I don't think it would be insane for my parents to be annoyed by my calling someone new "mom" and "dad." Fortunately, they couldn't care less.

So, at least for me, while I obviously think my feelings are somehow more valid and rational than my in-laws feelings, everybody's opinion on the matter is within the general sphere of "kind of understandable" and it just seems like a really pointless thing to draw a line in the sand on.[/quote]

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