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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]13:49 here - "set them straight immediately" doesn't need to be the tone!  Jeez.  DH can just say something like "Larla really cares for you guys.  I get that in our family those who marry in call you mom and dad, but in her family it's different.  Please know that by calling you Bob and Ellen she doesn't mean any less affection."  DONE.[/quote]

That is exactly what DW told her parents. They thought about it for a while and decided they were still offended.

I feel like DCUM advice often focuses on "Who is RIGHT" and ignored "WTF to do about it." It doesn't really make a difference if my in laws are crazy. We're not planning on cutting them out of our lives and even if they're being ridiculous for being offended, they're still being sincere that they're offended.  At the end of the day, it was better for our family for me to claim that I understood their point and reach some compromise. But I feel like a lot of posters on DCUM are so concerned about making sure that DW doesn' become a victim or pushover that they egg posters into taking stands on trivial crap.

OP, you are completely right that you shouldn't have to call them mom & dad. There's also a good chance it would make your life easier to just go ahead and do so. Or find some other functional compromise. If you decide to do so, please don't feel like you caved or violated your principles, or that DH didn't adequately support you. You just made a decision that made your life easier.[/quote]

Quoted PP.  This is so very sensible and rational and I really want to agree.  I guess I just somehow don't, though maybe it would depend on the situation.  People who are irrationally offended are often the 'give an inch, they'll take a mile' type.  I would say set a boundary and be loving and yet stress that it is your choice to make.  They will get over it, or they won't, but I don't see why they have to be placated.  That sort of indulgence can snowball into bigger issues with limits and with respect.[/quote]

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