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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op here - I agree with with the pps that part of me really wants it. But part of me is scared I'll be miserable and be one of the parents that resents the day to day. I'm not someone that generally looks to add work to my life (eg crafts when you can buy something, gardening for the sake of fun when it's actually cheaper to go to farmers market).  I guess kids seem like the ultimate hobby - creating lots of work for yourself for the joy of it - and I'm so nervous I won't get that joy out of it as it sounds like some don't. And I don't know how to figure that out before hand.

Sorry for the navel gazing but what you've said far has been very helpful![/quote]

Hi OP, read your various replies and you sound a bit like me. I was never particularly attracted to children, babies, maternity. Not that I hated kids as some other PPs (not judging), but I found them tiresome, too loud and too irrational for my tastes. I am an independant introvert and my idea of a good time is to lose myself in my thoughts and a good book. don't talk to me about crafty things or cookie baking or engaging into long conversations with an irrational toddler.

Contrary to you though I had no problem planning a family because despite the lack of urge I was very rational about it: I was convinced I wanted a family, not necessarily babies but the bond of a family, the grown up children, the grandchildren etc.. And I also knew fertility wise 30-35 was the right window for my level of risk aversion.

Fast forward a fertility journey (yup even at 31), a second surprise pregnancy at 33. I have 2 kids, under 3 years old. And man, life is awesome...Sorry, I am going to go with all the cliches but even though it is hard, tiresome, imperfect, you have way less time for yourself etc.. but the smile of your baby, their arms, the mamaaaaa full of joy when you get home..And this weird new feeling, the feeling that nothing matters anymore but them, you can die now, no more existential angst, as long as they are fine, life is good. So for me at least, not an ounce of regrets. I don't regret not having them before 30, but I am convinced having them late would have been less nice. It is physically tiresome and I also see what my parents can do with them now that they won't be able to do in 10 years. Grandparents matter. Mine live in another country and we still see each other every 4 months, they hang out and take care of the kids, seeing them become happy playful grandparents (think running-in-the-grass-imitating-a-donkey-to-make-a-2year-old-laugh kind of playful) is also wonderful.

Now for the BUT part:
1- My kids are healthy with no handicap.  
2- My husband is the super involved one..

And the most important one

3- I am still an introvert that needs a lot of mental downtime, and my survival implies REFUSING to be a super involved SAHM or even a supermom.  I am in the good enough mom crowd. A lot of my friends are into attachment parenting, I think that would drive me into depression. I am very kind, sweet and playful with my kids but discipline, limits and sleep training are part of my parenting style.. I love to read to them, teach them silly song, teach them independancy (let them try to eat on their own etc...), I can really see that my joy is to see them learn but I am happy to be less involved in their play time and thats fine...

Bottom line: if you do have kids, don't get sucked into the "perfect AP mom" ideal, I think it won't fit you and you will be sick with guilt doing stuff you hate and resenting your kids for it. Don't quit your job. With that in mind, personnally even though I fully respect people who are childfree I can't help but feel they miss out on one of the most beautiful life changing event and human bond you can get... (says the uninvolved bad mom :))[/quote]

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