Reply to DH's job hunt: help me not be an ass.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Would you women be so bitter if money was not an issue?   In other words, are you mostly upset about the finances, or does it just bum you out that your DHs may be around the house more than you'd anticipated?  
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The resentment is not just about the money. It's about the fact that you've lost an equal partner, which previously was equal in terms of us both working to provide for our family, but could now be redefined as equal in terms of us contributing different things but both putting in equal effort. I think a lot of us are saying we could embrace the latter change, but for the unemployed spouse, they don't want to embrace this new reality - probably hoping that the new job will come quickly, so nothing else needs to change in the meantime. But that job doesn't come immediately and if the unemployed spouse doesn't up their contribution in other realms - like cooking, cleaning, and childcare, then what is their contribution to the family? That's where the resentment comes in. The unemployed spouse feels somewhat depressed, spends what productive energy he has on the job hunt, and doesn't feel up for doing double the housework now that he's down & out. It's understandable and I have sympathy for being in that state of mind, but over time it is a recipe for resentment. [/quote]

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