Reply to Why troubled couples wait until too late

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

+1 from a NP
Check back in when your soap box wobbles and your footing isn't quite as steady as you thought.  I have kids so I hung on, trying to make things work.  My exH tried halfheartedly, but would bail as soon as he thought a therapist was taking "my side".  And as another poster put it, I was like a frog in a pot of water slowly coming to a boil.  It took me a long time to realize that I was the only one who wanted the marriage to work, and therefore the marriage would never work.

No one gets married and has kids thinking that they are going to divorce.  And most people try hard to make things work.  But marriage is for grown ups, and in my case, my ex didn't want to be a grown up any more.  So he's off and running and I'm now a single mom of three.  [/quote]

OP Here--sigh...like I said before, we have and are experiencing wobbly footing, very wobbly footing--I'm in the thick of it now. I understand that I'm very lucky that my DH is willing to  take responsibility for his share of the issues and go to counseling. And I'm sorry your DH would rather blame you than work on the marriage.

Why is it so hard for people to understand that it is possible for me to be in a marriage that has dealt with hardships AND I yet I still wonder why couples wait so long until it is too late? I'm not saying look at me I have a perfect marriage; why aren't you more like me?

And people are answering the question I posed. Just because I'm not responding to every post does not mean I'm not reading and learning. [/quote]

I'm the poster you quoted.  As a PP said, why aren't you getting counseling too?  Or doing couples as well as individual?  I don't understand.  If you are "in the thick of it", but consider yourself lucky that your DH is taking responsibility, then what are you doing?  Marriage takes two people to make it work, although issues aren't usually 50/50.  Even if your DH is taking responsibility, and you believe he's 100% at fault, you need to look at yourself.

People don't usually "wait until it's too late" as you put it, they hang on and try to make it work.  That's not denial, that is being able to look at yourself in the mirror and know that you gave your marriage everything you had.  And then know when to leave.  For me, it took years not because I was in denial, but because I needed to try everything.  And we have children.  And you don't chuck out a nearly 20 year marriage at the first signs of trouble.

Sorry - but you sound really young, and judgy.[/quote]

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