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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm someone who doesn't want to get a sitter and also am lacking in the friend department.  To me, it seems like the ones who get sitters are putting their own social lives ahead of being parents.  I put my kids first so yes, it's hard to socialize if you always want to have your kids around.  Even at social events with parents and kids, the parents seem to ignore the kids and just talk to each other and I'm the lone mom who actually is more concerned with supervising kids than socializing.  It's hard to find similar minded people to be friends with, especially if it's considered strange to not get a sitter.[/quote]

I'm going out Thursday night at 630 PM with a few other couples. Our babysitter will put the kids to bed at their usual 830PM and I will miss 2hrs of their lives. You have serious emotional problems if missing 2hrs of your kids lives makes you feel like a bad parent.

I can see why you have no friends. You are neurotic. Who would want to hang out with you? What a bore to listen to you drone on about your magical snowflakes.[/quote]

Not PP but it represents about 7% Of available time with their kids assuming working parents home at 6, bed at 8:30 and awake 14 hrs on weekend.

I assume you work part time or stay at home, BC a working parent going out at 6:30 would effectively not see their kid at all that day, just to meet some friends for drinks. [/quote]

Do you not allow your kids to play with their friends outside? Because geeze..that could among to another 15% a week.[/quote]

Well since 630 is dinner time, no. But u knew that.  The point was that we already have limited time bc we both have to work -- do most working parents further wither down time with kids for friends? That wasn't meant as snark, was just showing that not insignificant amount of time especially if it means you don't see your kids all day, does that make sense?[/quote]

Not all working parents put their careers before family. DH works from home and I'm home NLT 5PM. That's by design.

I guess we all have our priorities. :wink: [/quote]

Would love to have telework job or one with short commute -- so now the key to having time for friends and kids is to find an easier job that pays the same bc, you know, mortgage et al. And I guess money for a sitter. Very bummed out, I must say. [/quote]

Btw: 8.5 he workday. 45 min commute --&gt; 9-5:30 + 0:45 + daycare pickup == 630 dinner. If you are home by 5 that is a very special job. [/quote]

I have an 18 min commute and I'm in by 8. My kids school starts at 730.

Even if I was home at 6PM, I still would not feel one drop guilty for going out once a week and missing 2hrs with my kids. Building friendships will last long past when the kids leave the nest and it doesn't get any easier to meet new people as you get older. I meet a ton of people through my kids, but only form real relationships when I dedicate time outside of the kids to nurture those friendships.

Frankly, I think people a oddballs when they won't leave their kids with a sitter to hang out from time to time. It's a red flag to me that said person doesn't have much else going on in their lives and we probably won't have much in common.[/quote]

I guess for us, it's not the missing the kids for 2 hrs -- it means missing the kids for the entire day; does that make sense?  Would you make that same choice?

And when you do go out with the friends, do you go out as couples or do individual meetups?  and generally it's moms meeting moms, dads meeting dads, and couples meeting couples.  you never see moms meeting dads without their spouses unless their friendship predates the marriage??

it's tough, since in our family, dh is more social and happily goes out but at kid events all we meet are moms, so it seems it would awkward to suggest coffee with them sometime.  dh's work is far from home (see long commute mentioned) and his coworkers are all two counties away![/quote]

I'm more responding to this wild ass statement [i]to me, it seems like the ones who get sitters are putting their own social lives ahead of being parents[/i][b]

If I were in your shoes, getting home at 7 at night, I would not even be thinking of friends, this would be the very least of my concerns. My brain would be entirely consumed with either how to move or how to find a new job. I say this with 100% confidence on how I would react. I turned down a 40% pay raise because it would mean more time in the office and more time on the road. You can't buy time with your kids.

If my spouse were working similar hours, I'd be terrified what these hours would mean to my children when they get older and need more out of their parents than what a toddler needs (because older kids need more). If my spouse was the primary parent and home at a reasonable hour, then no, I would not feel guilty about socializing once a week.[/quote]

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