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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don't understand the pp who says forcing a spouse into celibacy is less bad than trying to get a dl partner to have more sex. Dictating when someone else has sex is selfish, whether it's more or less than than the person would choose for themselves.

I wonder if those of you who are saying how it feels to be asked for sex too often hurts, or you'd be crushed if DH asked for a bj if you can't bring yourself to have sex with him, hae considered how it feels to be constantly rejected. My self esteem has taken a nose dive from it. It's affecting our relationship in a million ways. I try my best to cover my frustration, disappointment, and resentment, but I know it shows through. For instance, we can have a great evening, then some lovely conversation after the kids are in bed, maybe some snuggling, then nothing.

It's gotten to the point where I don't initiate anymore because the rejection brings me to tears now. DH doesn't see anything wrong with 2-3x a month. I'm just playing along, pretending I'm happy, feeling trapped because I don't want to tear our family apart, wasting all my good years, knowing that when I can get out without ruining my children's childhood I'll be too old to have what's being denied to me now.

If you asked him, he'd say I'm understanding about the lack of sex. Maybe a little disappointed but how bad can it be. It's just sex, right? [/quote]

I think it's a problem whenever anyone on either side (LD or HD) starts framing it in terms of something the other person is doing to them, rather than as a difference in needs and desires. One side isn't doing anything to their spouse any more than the other side is, but when either side starts criticizing and assigning blame, you're basically shutting down any possibility of finding a middle ground.[/quote]

It took a few years to lose my empathy. I bet most people start off understanding, then become less so over time as their needs continue to go unmet. I'm certainly not asking for more sex than when we first married. Hell, I'm not asking for more sex than we had 10 years after we got together. The frequency declined little by little, until it got to 2-3x a month. I wan understanding, compassionate, empathetic, all that until we dipped below once a week with no prospects of improvement. Middle ground, IMO, would be halfway between where we started and were we are now, so about 2-3x a week. Middle ground would be other means of intimacy besides PIV if that's so unbearable. [/quote]

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