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[quote=Anonymous]NP, and OP I want to commend you for your honesty - with yourself and here.  It can take a lot of guts to admit to feelings you know you feel like you shouldn't have, even on an anonymous message board.

I've worked with families going through struggles for many many years.  This dynamic is SO common, but it is rarely handled well or healthily.  That's why I'm impressed and commending you, because at least you're saying it out loud and asking if it's normal.

It's common, but it's not healthy, as it can grow and fester.  I agree with one of the few other responses I read here, that one approach is to try to shift your thinking towards what a great beautiful person you and your DH have created.

But mainly, I think it would be a very very good idea for you to see a counselor for a little while about this.  It doesn't have to be something that is endless, just a series of sessions, so you can work through your feelings and also hopefully get some different perspectives on it that help you not be jealous.

In my work (I'm not a therapist, but I work with families and therapists) I see how toxic a seed this can be, and the envy/jealousy can grow and grow and emerge in some really awful ways.  Your child didn't choose to be beautiful, or attractive, and even though so far it sounds like most of your feelings you keep to  yourself, if the envy goes un-checked and you don't unpack it and heal it, it's going to fester into something that will really damage your relationship with her.

Lastly, my DD is also gorgeous.  She's younger than yours, but already I can see she's going to have to fight the guys off.  I was never that way.  But I'm ok with that, my life is what it was, I'm so grateful t have her because she's awesome, and when I think about her beauty or others comment on it, I just focus on doing all I can to prepare her to NOT depend on only that, and not define herself only on that.  My best friend in high school who was brilliant and also almost model-beautiful, she got so caught up in people's reactions to her looks, she never actually graduated high school and spent her whole life up until a few years ago bartending and managing restaurants.  Not that there's anything wrong with those professions, but SHE wasn't happy in them and didn't feel like she had options.  I wouldn't say being gorgeous screwed her up, but not having parents who helped her value all the OTHER parts of her did screw her up.

OP I hope you'll talk to a counselor or therapist, work through these feelings and figure out how to see the situation in a different, much healthier and more positive way.  Wishing you and your DD the best of luck![/quote]

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