Reply to Middle School Shunning and How to Overcome?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My DD goes through this at swim team during the summer. Its awful. She insists she doesn't want to quit, because she loves to race, and does have a couple close friends, but the vast majority in her age group do all sorts of weird shunning things. One of the most egregious, and one I don't understand how the coach allows, is a group of girls wear different, matching suits to the meets instead of the team suit all to indicate they're all a unit and the rest are not. She is not allowed in the team tent when her age group is in there (the girls gather and close the circle), and they do not speak to her - even when she is on  the relay team with them. I do not understand why she won't quit, but she does have friends and told me she has realized it is just them, and not anything she has done wrong, and she won't them ruin her sport for her.[/quote]

OP here - I am inspired by your daughter's courage! Good for her! I also believe that mean girls like that will get what's coming to them some day.[/quote]

See, I don't think it's courage.  I mean when you really think about her reason is pretty shallow and an adult should kind of see through that.  If racing was the objective, then she  would join another team or swim year round or some other option.  To see the couple of friends she has, wouldn't she just go to the pool and hang out during normal house. No need to be on swim team for that. To me, this reads that the girl knows how to give the adults/parent approved answer but what she is really doing is desperately trying to hang in there believing that if she just does the right thing, then suddenly the girls will like her/accept her.  I think this is were parents need to step in and really talk to their kids and let them know there really is no reason to stick with something where they are so unwelcome.  Personally, I wouldn't sign my DD up for the upcoming season and tell her to find another activity for the summer. Kids can't always see the forest for the trees and they need someone to help them take the step back and see the situation from the outside. [/quote]

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