Reply to What do parents "owe" their adult children?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]While parents don't owe their adult children anything, let alone fairness, they should realize that disparate gifts/help can cause friction.  My BIL is a single dad with underlying addiction/gambling issues.  He has made and continues to make bad life choices.  Although he is now clean/sober, he is a bottomless pit of needs.

My in-laws are struggling to help him have the same lifestyle as my husband and me and our kids.  They give him considerable financial help and 24/7 childcare.  So 99% of their help, time, and love (yes, sadly) goes to my BIL and his kids.  Because they spent so much more time with my nieces/nephews, they are much closer to them and will favor them to the point of sometimes ignoring/treating my kids badly.  Whenever we have a problem (serious illness/injury), we get zero help because they are too busy taking care of my BIL and his kids.

I used to think it was reasonable to give BIL so much more as he needed it more.  But I can't help but feel resentful that because of this messed up situation, we've become second class citizens to them.  Oh it doesn't just stop with unequal treatment, they also think we should giving more time/help to BIL and his kids too so that we can compensate for their broken family. [/quote]

Your bil is their son.  Where's his wife?  You are the in-law and it's really not your place to say anything especially if your bil is raising the kids by himself and there is no wife in the picture.

Do your parents help?

While you are their daughter bc you married their son, it's really not feeling he same.  Complain about your own parents.[/quote]
It's her family too and co-dependence is fucked up for everyone involved. She's not complaining about finances, she's complaining about dysfunction.[/quote]

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